A lot of my male friends have said they were really into dinosaurs as wee lads. It’s like me, except I’m not into dinosaurs, I’m into aliens, and I’m not a little boy, I’m a grown lady. TEEHEE
dimness and dissipation marked those months
all the ketamine, dicks, madness and
good for nothin agendas of self improvement
some nights i’d fall to kiss the ground
and sing a song of whims in whispers
to myself, the ceiling, the demons, or whatever else was there
the melody was thirsty and the rhythm hungry
and the words were the purest to ever come
from a mind so filthy:
"I’m not afraid of death, the void,
or the face of god
and the path to nothing
is mine to walk.”
The scorned Scorpio is prone to bouts of ugliness in the forms of narcissism and psychopathy, ranging from petty to serious. In other words, the Scorpio who has been fucked over will return the Universe its favor, and become one bad fucker herself.
And the enlightened Scorpio is a benevolent trickster that rhymes and riddles for the wicked and the ignorant; to their benefit, they may acquire knowledge; and to the Scorpio’s, a gigglefit.
the highest point of the conscious mind,
the consciousness of the present,
is that which watches
the lower points:
the subconscious, its symbols, its names
the insistence on a separate “me”
comes in the form of the illusions:
you will find
does not mean no things
surrender the ego that insists
on who, what, when, where,
surrender to the silence within
to see reality
Anonymous said: Hey N! How can you think less and see more clearly how thoughts have no truth. How do you see through all the layers?
A genuine inquiry into Truth does not require less thinking. It requires more thinking, real thinking, the kind of thinking you may have never done before - critical thinking.
You can see through all the layers by asking real, honest, critical questions. An honest inquiry into Truth might look something like this:
Start with thoughts.
What’s common between all thoughts? They’re all based in time. Thoughts are either about the future or the past, or judgements on the present moment, based on past experiences.
What is time? Nobody has any idea, because it’s made up and doesn’t actually exist.
If time doesn’t exist, how can thoughts be true? They can’t be, so they aren’t.
If thoughts aren’t true, why do you believe them? Fear.
What are you afraid of? The end of the thinker.
What is the thinker? You, the ego, your self.
If time doesn’t exist, then thoughts aren’t true.
If thoughts aren’t true, then the thinker is false.
If the thinker is false, that means you are false.
If you are false, that means you don’t exist.
If you don’t exist, then what does? That which realizes you don’t exist.
What is that which realizes you don’t exist? Truth.
There you go, the entire journey out of delusion and into Truth, summed up in less than two minutes. You can’t just read that and have it click though. You can’t believe it or adopt it as your philosophy. You have to make the journey. It takes a few years.
Get critical. Put your self in critical condition. And then pull the plug.
Anonymous said: So that said, would Gautama Buddha approve of the way that the Buddhist religion works?
I think the Buddha would have realized that not everybody is ready for the path and may gain some benefit from lighting incense and making offerings in the age old manner.
it’s been about 3 months since I made the decision to begin my journey inward to spiritual enlightenment. The decision was of the “absolutely-no-fucking-around” sort. (however, all I do is fuck around, admittedly. hehe.)
Anyway, the obstacles within become clearer as I open up my eyes and stare them in the face. Sometimes I feel inspired to express them outwardly, as a way to make sense of them, to work around them. The blending of words in order to communicate - the craft of writing - is the way in which I prefer to inquire - one of three “methods” or paths of seeking, the other two being the path of witnessing, and the path of devoting. There is one obstacle I am noticing that I feel I should pay mind to and inquire about at this particular time in my life.
It is compassion.
Or, rather - to use a more fitting word - sympathy… what I sometimes think of as compassion’s stress-inducing relative. I feel the pain of others, and I want to heal them. I feel like a little martyr sometimes. it’s an ambition, an attachment. I am angry at the government, at capitalism, basically at people who harm, and the fact of suffering… but these things are all a part of the cosmic dance - of reality. And reality is as how it is.
Enlightenment is about acceptance of reality. As it is. Right now. I must realize that everyone is on a journey towards eventual enlightenment, in which ever lifetime it might occur for them. Their suffering is as much a part of the cosmic dance as anything is. The point of enlightenment is to feel pain, as it is, and let it pass - and the same goes with pleasure. To feel it, as it is, and to let it pass, as it will. To not attach. To accept reality, in all its change and movement, in all its simple being, and to flow as one with it.
On a more practical note… I find myself wanting to help others to the point of attachment. I hear about the suffering of my friends and of humanity in general and feel that I should go into the lives of others, offer my help, and fix something (on a side note, I think I get this from my mother - she’s nurturing to the point of inducing stress upon herself). But I need to remember that one’s suffering is their own, and it’s a part of their individual path. That is reality, as it is. I should only help when it is asked of me, because in that case, the concerned person has realized that they are indeed suffering, and there is a way out, and help is needed - so they ask. And in that case, I would help, because I am called to do so. I would be doing what needs to be done, in the moment, right there, right then. To do anything, in an enlightened state, is not to do it as a means to an end, because there is no “end.” Everything would be done in the moment, as the moment arrises. This extends to anything - your job, cooking a meal, sex, birthing a child, taking a shit. As well as something as honest and good as helping someone. You do it all in the moment with full awareness, whether it is painful or pleasurable, with zero concern for the past or the future. Zero attachment. That’s riding the wave of life, as an enlightened person does.
What is consciousness outside of me? Is there even consciousness outside of me? Why do I have this form, this body, this mind? Is everything real outside of my own consciousness, my own being? What if reality outside my consciousness does not actually exist, and I’m in some sort of Matrix-like dream?
Funny, these questions have arrisen in my mind every now and then as long as early childhood. Many of my friends throughout the years have told me that they also have these questions.
The questions arrose last night, for the umpteenth time, while peaking down on a mix of 4-AcO-DMT and 5-MeO-MiPT (via some cactus and some toad or some jazz). I sat in a bathroom to get away from the crowd, feeling that I needed to sort through some heavy thoughts. I sat in the stall, feeling the thoughts of a possible Matrix existence in which reality outside of my perception was not actual, and the thought held itself for a moment, when some recent realizations arrose into my consciousness and killed the thought - and it occured to me how silly these Matrix questions are. I think that they are simply by-products of the self-awareness element of human consciousness.
Human beings are complex biological machines with a distinct consciousness that extends to include a highly developed mental realm. It is complex, it is beautiful. But it is, of course, limited. As such, wrong ideas as to the nature of reality are bound to arrise out of self-awareness and this limitation.
I ponder on the elements that comprise all lifeforms, with a contextual focus here on human beings. Let’s say that consciousness is that which propagates itself to keep its continuum. By that model, all life forms are conscious. We can extend this model to fit the Universe, as it too is in a continuum. So perhaps everything in reality is conscious. The universe is one massive consciousness. The consciousness we possess, with our souls and physical vessels in unison, is simply a concentrated, dense gathering of all-encompassing consciousness. When I die, this brain, this body - this physical entity - will cease to be, but one thing that comprises me will continue on - the soul, the astral energy, whatever you want to call it. It will bind itself to another ball of cells somewhere to fuel new life, a new concentration of consciousness, within the physical plane of reality.
I am deeply drawn to the idea of Nirvana, of spiritual enlightenment. They say if you are enlightened, the deepest, most subtle, most ancient element of your consciousness - the soul - leaves the cosmos after your physical body dies. I think when an enlightened person dies and their soul consciousness leaves the cosmos, it simply means that that their consciousness has “died” - or rather, it has changed into something else. It becomes one with which conceived it - the universe. As a seemingly “separate” entity, it was, in actuality, one with the universe. as such, it was one with the grand cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth.
Perhaps people who seek enlightenment are simply vessels for ancient souls that are ready to “die” - to change, to dissipate… to merge once again with the infinite body of all-encompassing universal consciousness.
people actually stay in the apple store for hours just chillin on the display computers, playing league of legends or watching conspiracy videos. or tumbling (in my case)
hahahahaha man i love people
once you begin to make peace with death, impermanence, and ultimately your human ego,
all those silly, arbitrary, illusory things become just that: silly, arbitrary, and illusory.
money, success, self-image, and the like… it’s all just illusory shit that you musn’t sweat over. these things are there because you need them to hold your own within this massive societal, cultural body. that’s just the way things are.
i lose my patience when juggling around these thoughts, and all i can think sometimes, especially directed toward certain mindsets, is “stop being a fuckin crybaby and deal with it! ARG!” the aggressive energy i get mostly comes from personal experience with those who have certain cultural/economic privileges.
i’ve known many people who fit the bill perfectly - people who fit most of or all of the following labels: white, male, cis, straight, able-bodied, and upper middle class. many of these people are very compassionate and intelligent, capable of making positive change in the world, especially given their cultural privilege/power. but they let their minds get ahead of them. they are afraid, they are depressed. things like money, capitalism, of the judgments of others, the idea of death and impermanence - so many things. they give into negativity. they are chronic complainers. they want things, they want success, they want recognition.
as i’ve made some great progress on my spiritual path, i’ve unlearned many arbitrary things. i see how we are driven unconsciously silly by the ego. many people have too many things to be thankful for! but because of their mental dispositions, they unconsciously create their own suffering. if these privileged people could only see this, they might overcome it, and they could really nourish their good traits. i’m currently having this transformation happen to myself. i’ve stopped indulging such anxieties, the insanity, and i’ve never felt more like myself. i feel so light and enthusiastic all the time. i feel love!
someone i know has this dilemma down to a T. you see, he is a visionary type, and he truly understands a lot of things, and he truly, truly desires to see positive change in the world. if he was properly nourished, mentally, emotionally, spiritually even, i think he could do some amazing things. but he is too preoccupied with illusion and consequent suffering, as it is. siiiiiigh. the human state is fucking gosh wtf man.
Science has proven that:
- Humans have auras
- Humans have organs that sense energy
- We inherit memories from our anscestors
- Meditation repairs telomeres in DNA, which slows the process of…
i have absolutely no scientific background whatsoever, but i do have a lot of respect for the field of science. i am not an academic. here i only present a thought based off my own experiences.
let me state what i see here, as a basis for my thinking. here, i see a clash of ideas and perception. i see the immediate dismissal of new ideas and possibilities that many deem incompatible with old models of thinking.
i will also say that i have also experienced paranormal phenomena, done research regarding it, and met many intelligent, sane people who have experienced inexplicable paranormal occurrences as well.
so i ask, what are the limits of human perception? take this into account: we have come to theorize that there is a lot going on that we cannot see with our five senses. A LOT! we create facts based on empirical data, and dismiss ideas which we deem incompatible with these facts, but the perceptive capacity with which the data was initially gathered was limited. on that basis, who are we to say that these “paranormal” experiences are not true, that they are simply steeped in subconsciousness, imagination, etc? perhaps these experiences occur outside of what most of us are ABLE to see. perhaps people who experience paranormal phenomena simply possess something, some mechanism or what will you, in their being that the majority of others do not possess. so who are you to say that they are wrong? if you are concerned with truth, you must keep in mind that your consciousness is quite limited - as such, you must always remain open to every presented possibility.
in sandy curls
moss tint eyes
a dimpled smile
soft words linger
as his stardust soul
and he wanders
the wondrous world
recently i have found myself in the friendly presence of people whose financial state is much, much poorer than mine. these interactions are mostly downtown. i have two young friends, under 25, who have many problems, particularly those stemming from family and heavy mental…
i think there are a lot of ideas we have, here in north america (ideas on how to raise kids, ideas on how the education system should go, as loose examples), that are quite backward in many ways, and not beneficial at all to a good chunk of the population. i can’t really make a numerical estimation, as it’d be based only off my own little pool of perception, but it truly makes sense to me to say that many aspects of our culture and society completely fail to serve a preeetty significant portion of the population. just look at that alarming statistic regarding mental health - i mean, i’ve heard many, many times that 1 in 5 people in the developed world are said to have major mental health issues. 1 in 5! jesus.